It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
