i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
