Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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