they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
