oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
