apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
