Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
