Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
