Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
