I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
