I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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