I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I died a long time ago.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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