And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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