can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I currently don't understand fingers.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
