The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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