Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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