She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
