u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
