Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.

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(316): View more from Kansas

He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing

(785): View more from Kansas

New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit

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