i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
