So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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