Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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