Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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