Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
