so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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