I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I could have mohawked her pubes.
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Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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