Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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