I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't turn off my feet"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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