I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
