TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
