I just saw a hot homeless man
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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