just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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