There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just high enough for therapy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
