You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
