fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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