I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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