everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
