Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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