you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
