do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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