me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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