I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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