I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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