Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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