it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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