and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep