2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy