I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
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I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man