OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
