I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.