I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
