did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize