Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
