Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
