we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
