no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
