I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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