i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
