peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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