the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
