Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
