i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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