Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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