Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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