During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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