The best revenge is premature balding
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
