Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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