After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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