he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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