Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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