ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
